My Arms, Your Hearse

28 December 2007 @ 11:11 am

Appearance

I am shorter than 5'4.
I think I'm ugly sometimes.
I have many scars.
Tan easily.
Wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I've had braces.
Wear glasses.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercings in places besides my ears.

Family/Home Life

I've run away from home.
I've been kicked out of the house.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I've had children.
I've lost a child.

School/Work

I'm in school.
I've fallen asleep at work/school.
I almost always do my homework.
I've missed a week or more of school.
I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
I failed more than 1 class last year.
I have a job.
I've had a job for at least 2 years.
I've stolen something from my job.Embarrassment
I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I've snorted while laughing.
I've laughed so hard I've cried.
I've glued my hand to something.
I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.

Health

I was born with a disease/impairment.
I've gotten stitches.
I've broken a bone.
I've had my tonsils removed.
I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I've had chicken pox.

Traveling

I've been on a plane.
I've been to Canada.
I've been to Mexico.
I've been to Niagara Falls.
I've been to Japan.
I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I've been to Europe.
I've been to Africa.

Experiences

I've gotten lost in my city.
I've seen a shooting star.
I've wished on a shooting star.
I've seen a meteor shower.
I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
I've been to a casino.
I've been skydiving.
I've gone skinny dipping.
I've played spin the bottle.
I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I've been Skiing.
I've been in a play.
I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I've played chicken.
I've played a prank on someone.
I've ridden in a taxi.
I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I've eaten Sushi.
I've been snowboarding.

Relationships

I'm single
I'm in a relationship.
I'm engaged.
I'm married.
I'm currently in the middle of a divorce.
I've gone on a blind date
I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I've cheated in a relationship.
I've gotten divorced
I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
I've kept something from a past relationship.
I have an ex I don't think I'll ever get over.

Sexuality

I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
I've had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I've been kissed in the rain.
I've hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger

.Honesty/Crime

I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
I've snuck out of my house.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I've cheated while playing a game.
I've cheated on a test.
I've been suspended from school.
I've witnessed a crime.
I've been in a fist fight.
I've been arrested.
I've shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol

I regularly drink.
I've passed out from drinking
I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
I've smoked weed.
I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
I've eaten shrooms.
I've popped E.
I've inhaled Nitrous.
I've done hard drugs.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time, no problem.
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
I shut others out when I'm depressed.
I take anti-depressants.
I'm anorexic or bulimic.
I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
I've hurt myself on purpose.
I'm addicted to self injury.
I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide

I'm afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I've seen someone dying.
Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.
I've planned my own suicide.
I've attempted suicide.
I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism

I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on e-bay.
I own something from Abercrombie.

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

cranky

Current Music: Television

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25 December 2007 @ 10:35 am

Holidays

Merry Christmas
&
Happy Holidays!

I hope everyone got what they wanted plus some..

Current Location: Home Sweet Home

Current Mood:

cheerful

Current Music: Korn "I Will Protect You.."

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22 December 2007 @ 02:30 pm

A Quiz and a Survey...

My score on The Angel or Demon Test:

Demon

(Congratulations! You scored 23!)

http://is2.okcupid.com/mt_pics/162/16218126226734614146/13519361928319416543-0.jpg

You're selfish, insensitive and cruel. For you, personal gain is first than anything else, love is just the idealization some stupid guy made for sexual urges and a soul is just currency.
You represent the dark side. The Yin side of nature. Death, darkness. However, as evil as you can be, you're necessary for balance.
Note too that the lower your Score Range, the more evil you are, so, if your score is around 40, maybe you're not that evil but are still more inclined to that side of reality. In the other hand, if your score reaches zero for some reason... just keep away from innocence, you monster.
In a second note, if you're not THAT evil (around 30 or 40), you can still try out to be a nicer person. If you ever decide to do it, you have all my respect and cheers for your decision. If not, well, some evilness is cool, just don't go lower if you can avoid it.

Link: The Angel or Demon Test

View My Profile:

(OkCupid Free Online Dating)

A- Age of first kiss: 5

B- Band you are listening to right now: Silence

C- 1st Crush: Caleb

D- Dad's name: Clair

E- Easiest person to talk to: Danielle

F- Favorite ice cream: Strawberry

G- Gummy worms or gummy bears?: Worms, I like to slurp 'em.

H- Hometown/Birthplace: New Ken, PA

I- Instruments: None

J- Junior high: Apollo Ridge Middle School

K- Kids: 1?

L- Longest car ride: Ohio.. 4.5 hours away

M- Mom's name: Ann

N- Nicknames: Jay, Jamjam, J-nizzle

O- One wish: To get out of Apollo..

P- Phobia[s]: Fear of Crowds, Fear of Death, Fear of Clowns, Fear of Open Spaces

Q- Quote: "A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer"

R- Reason to smile: Being able to see Josh again.

S- Song you sang last: Ya'll Want A Single

T- Time you woke up today: 9:30 AM

U- Unknown fact about me: I want to be accepted.

V- Very best friends: Josh, Danielle, Kira, Ryan

W- Worst habit: Chewing on my shirt

X- X-rays you've had: Stomach, leg, arm.

Y- Your least favorite person as of right now: Mark

Z-Zodiac sign: Leo

Now I'm off to go Christmas shopping.. >>; Fun fun!

Current Location: Library!!

Current Mood:

amused

Current Music: Silence

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19 December 2007 @ 07:16 pm

I'm Afraid Of Death

In the midst of my Grandmother's death, I've realized something that's rather important. I don't know where my religious standings happen to be anymore. Like, if you know me in person then you already know I've been a practicing Satanist for quite awhile now. Before you get all flippy on me, I don't try to convert anyone to my religion nor do I kill animals. Nothing like that at all. Anyway I'm not getting on that particular topic right now. That's not the reason for my post at this point. I don't know where I belong anymore. With her death I've been thrown literally for a loop and I'm confused on so many levels. I can find any sort of solace in my religion at all.. so I've decided to take a break from being anything. I'm not Satanist, Christian or Pagan either at the moment. I'm just going to look at everything for what it is and go from there. When I get a sign from whomever wants me, then I'll make a decision. I'll study all three religions of course and get a feel for each. That way I'm not just sitting here without a religion or belief to fall back on. In a tragic situation your beliefs will often get you threw it easier. Or so I believe.

Also. Up until now I didn't fear dying or death. Now I find myself wondering about death and cringing away from that particular topic. My thoughts won't wrap around the ideal that everyone around me now is going to die eventually. Everyone I love and care for will someday return to soil.. It bugs me a lot. As does the idea of myself dying.. it bothers me a lot. You might find that weird considering that I am a cutter and have been suicidal. I don't know anymore... I'm just confused about a lot of things right now.

Onto a different topic for a moment. I love horror movies right. Well, I've realized something. Paranormal gore fests don't scare me at all. Yet movies such as, "The Hills Have Eyes" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" scare the fucking shit out of me. Humanity scares the fuck out of me entirely. The idea of going to a gas station and being slaughtered terrifies me... yet going into the cemetery at night. Ehehe.. Nothing.

So if anyone has any ideas as to why I may feel these things.. feel free to share with me. I promise I won't take offense to anything you come up with.

Current Location: Home...

Current Mood:

thoughtful

Current Music: Cradle of Filth "Temptation"

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15 December 2007 @ 07:28 pm

Starting Over?

I don't really know why I decided to re-start this journal. Very few people that still actively talk to me are on this site. It's kinda funny when you get down to it, maybe I'm bored. That's probably a part of it actually. What's happened in the past nine months or so? A lot actually. My now ex boyfriend went to the Army and he came home in June. We broke up the following week and life has been a spiral since then. Sometimes I curse love for all that it does to people. You love someone and yet they don't love you back... it's an awful situation. Then he came back months later and dropped out of the Army. Like A.W.O.L.. and now he's in jail somewhere.

My friendship with Kira is incredibly strained but that's been the norm since Josh came back to town almost two years ago. Oh, she's pregnant.. almost 18 weeks I think now. Supposedly, I'm going to be the child's god mom. I'll believe it when that happens. Ryan her boyfriend is incredibly suicidal and I worry for that guy constantly. He tried to OD on zoloft for God sake. He's over it for now because he's worried about the baby so at least he'll be around for awhile.

I managed to become friends with Danielle again. Which is nice since we were friends back in Highschool. ^_^; Yay. At least that's one positive part to my life. I miss a lot of my friends but I've left them go for the most part.

My Grandmother [Nan] passed away at the beginning of December.. so if I seem to be in a down mood. That's why. It has a way of ruining the holidays for a person. She had a major stroke on the right side of the brain.. and she couldn't recover. It was and is awful for my mom and myself. Life is a blur right now but hopefully it will get better.

This new year I'm going to change myself. I swear to it. I'm going to lose weight, get in shape, and try to get out on my own. It's easy to write the stuff down but really hard to actually do..

Wish me luck?

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

contemplative

Current Music: Television

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